


Sunrises 🌇

by mkhhhx



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, M/M, Mating Bites, Pining, Rutting, jaemin best boy, mention of anxiety attack, the equivalent of internalised homophobia for subgenders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26720137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: Alphas aren’t like that. Even the most gentle and polite of them aren’t like that. Alphas don’t fuck a beta’s brains out for months only to play house with them afterwards. Still, there’s a little voice at the back of Jeno’s mind whispering that Donghyuck might be just that, a nice alpha.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 36
Kudos: 342





	Sunrises 🌇

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very happy to finally share this with the world!  
> I wanna say a great big thank you to [lex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boyfrendery) who did a wonderful job betaing and also give a big shoutout to [mashie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeekiies) who's been my biggest support all through the writing and editing process.  
> See you at the end notes, enjoy!

It’s tranquil in the apartment when Jeno wakes up, sometime in the late afternoon judging from the light in the room. He doesn’t move around, comfortable under the fleece blanket he doesn’t remember throwing on himself. At the other end of the room in front of the desk pushed up to the wall he can see Donghyuck, glasses on and cheeks puffed to a frown, probably working on some assignment on his laptop.

He doesn’t move, basking in the moment, a tiny quiet moment he can use to watch how Donghyuck’s fingers move as he types, how he nods along to something he’s written and it almost makes Jeno let out a tiny giggle. They slept together the previous night but not in the way they’ve done before. They had dinner, dinner Donghyuck cooked for them along with the cheap wine Jeno brought. They watched a movie curled together on the couch, Jeno waiting for the moment when Donghyuck would inevitably get bored and pull him on his lap. That moment never came and Jeno doesn’t remember falling asleep, the exhaustion of finishing with the semester’s finals finally catching up with him. He supposes Donghyuck covered him up and left to sleep in his own room.

Sometimes it almost seems like Donghyuck likes him. Like there’s a chance he likes Jeno back and Jeno cannot pinpoint why that possibility is so terrifying. Actually, he knows. It’s because one way or another he’ll inevitably get his heart broken.

“You’re awake.”

Jeno looks up, curling into himself. Donghyuck’s voice is honey-like, matching up his scent, his dirty-blond locks, his eyes. He doesn’t say anything, taking in the image of Donghyuck, his relaxed shoulders, his messy bun, the soft smile spreading across his face directed just to Jeno, nobody else to steal the moment away. Sometimes he wishes he was an omega, able to fully gasp just how good Donghyuck smells, although they have spent so much time together that he can already pick the scent better than a beta is supposed to do.

“Hungry?” Donghyuck asks, shaking Jeno out of his daze.

“A bit,” Jeno admits quietly. He watches Donghyuck get up, walking the few steps to the couch.

“It’s like finals sucked the life out of you,” Donghyuck laughs, a warm palm pressing to Jeno’s cheek. He leans into the touch like an affection deprived cat. Maybe that’s exactly what he is. “I’ll fix you something quick.”

Donghyuck walks out of Jeno’s field of vision, Jeno already missing his body heat although the room is warm, a heater set up next to the couch. He listens to Donghyuck around the kitchen for a while: opening and shutting the fridge, taking a pan out of a cupboard, humming to himself. It feels so domestic it almost makes Jeno nauseous, but he forces himself to think it’s just because he’s hungry and dehydrated and still laced with sleep.

When he finally pushes himself off of the couch there’s already food on the table, most of it reheated leftovers from the previous night and Donghyuck is playing with his phone, probably waiting for him to rub the last of sleep out of his eyes and take a seat. He wonders why Donghyuck hasn’t kicked him out yet, why he waited for Jeno to wake up, why he made them late lunch, why he isn’t doing anything better with his time. Yet again, Donghyuck was always too kind of an alpha.

When Jeno finally leaves for his own apartment he feels sick, the curry rice and vegetables feeling weird at the pit of his stomach and anxiety filling his chest and throat. They spent almost a whole day together, a whole day doing practically nothing: just talking, watching movies, eating, sleeping. He should be happy, finally getting a glimpse of what he wants, but he can’t help but feel like there’s a catch. Alphas aren’t like that. Even the most gentle and polite of them aren’t like that. Alphas don’t fuck a beta’s brains out for months only to play house with them afterwards. And despite all of his conflict, as much as Jeno tries to dig around their interactions he can’t find anything. Nothing that would indicate Donghyuck has an elaborate plan to take advantage of him before he throws him away. Nothing that would point to Donghyuck being an asshole. If anything, being one would probably take Jeno out of his anxious misery at last. And yet all signs indicate that Donghyuck does, in fact, just like spending time with him. Jeno has dated a handful of alphas before and none, not even those in long lasting committed relationships with him, were the least decent at the end: leaving him for some omega, commenting on his neutral scent and how he should invest in a good perfume, acting like he’s a disposable piece of meat. He’s terrified of Donghyuck being just one more of them.

His apartment is cold when he steps inside, the air stale and the living room exactly the same as when he left the previous day, so when he leaves his coat and scarf by the door he can somewhat safely assume his roommate has been out for the whole weekend. He remembers seeing Jaemin before they left for their respective classes on Friday morning, but only Jeno got back home and then was alone in the house until he left for Donghyuck’s place around Saturday noon. Being both betas means they don’t leave scents around, usually communicating with little notes when they haven’t seen each other in some time. Jaemin had claimed it’s cuter than messaging. Sure enough there’s a little paper on the stovetop. “See you Sunday night, Jaem xoxo,” written with the most terrible handwriting Jeno has ever seen.

He leaves the note right there, opting for a warm shower, scrubbing Donghyuck’s scent off his body. He can’t smell it that well, not when they are apart, even if it has seeped into every piece of Jeno’s clothing but he knows others will be able to smell it on him. He doesn’t want people to think he’s marked. Doesn’t want to give the wrong impression that he, in some way or form, belongs to Donghyuck, even if it’s the sole thing he’s ever wished for.

He didn’t miss how Donghyuck wouldn’t suppress his scent the previous night, how he rubbed his face on the crook of Jeno’s neck, maybe instinctively, maybe with purpose. How his hand patted around their laps to find Jeno’s and kept their fingers intertwined. Jeno sheds all of his clothes away like they burn his skin. Looks at the little heap on the bathroom floor while waiting for the water to warm up, realizing he’s in deeper than he thought if something small like is capable of setting him off so badly.

Betas weren’t supposed to be affected by smells,. That’s what their teachers used to tell them at school and what he’s known his whole life. So he can’t quite pinpoint why the smell of pine honey is all he can think about these days.

The next time they meet up it’s better. Normal. Not the normal Jeno lets himself think about late at night, the one that has them waking up together and kissing slowly, like the world is all theirs. The real normal that has Jeno falling back on Donghyuck’s bed, pliant and willing to let Donghyuck have his way with him, to mark him up at every place his clothes will cover when they are done, to manhandle him around, to whisper sweet nonsense into his ear. Donghyuck is a good lover and if anything, Jeno is glad he can at least have that.

Jeno can put his ugly, overflowing feelings aside right then and there, with Donghyuck on top of him, with the smell of pine honey engulfing him, close to becoming unbearable. In those moments he feels himself loosening up, almost to the point of slipping, to the point that just spilling what’s on his mind seems like a decent idea. Like there’s a chance Donghyuck would listen to everything he has to say and would accept it with ease. But Jeno is a beta. He doesn’t go into heats or ruts, he doesn’t get affected out of his mind with smells. He can keep back when every single nerve ending in his mind screams at him to bite down on Donghyuck’s neck and tell him that he’s falling in love.

It doesn’t help that Donghyuck is so good to him. That he asks Jeno what he wants, that he waits, that he’s tuned with Jeno’s body in ways other people never cared to try to. He kisses Jeno like their arrangement is something more than just skin on skin, he holds him down like he wants him to stay till the morning after, like the movie night wasn’t one weird “after finals” slip on both their parts.

But when they are done, sheets ruined and Donghyuck trying to calm his heaving chest, Jeno is quick to get up, to pick his clothes from across the floor on unsteady legs, take only a couple minutes to clean himself before he’s pulling his pants on, Donghyuck watching him from the edge of the bed.

“You don’t have to leave right away,” Donghyuck says, bruises blooming on his shoulders where Jeno was holding him. “You can take a shower here, I’ll give you clean clothes.”

“I have to go,” Jeno mutters, feeling like the scene is being repeated, like a dejavu. “I have-, have an essay to write.”

“Alright,” Donghyuck smiles, smiles tight and politely and yet Jeno wants to jump right back into the bed, into Donghyuck’s arms and kiss him until they don’t know where Donghyuck starts and Jeno ends. He doesn’t want Donghyuck’s polite smiles. He wants his radiant ones, his wide grins, the small smiles between kisses. Donghyuck’s genuine smiles is all he wants to see, he wants to be the cause of them.

“See you around,” Jeno stands in front of the bedroom’s door for a brief moment, pretends he doesn’t notice the way Donghyuck’s shoulders drop when he walks to the front door without another word.

He knows after all, Donghyuck is the exception. A very nice alpha.

“Maybe you have to stop for a while,” Jaemin tells him when Jeno is back home, after a shower and a set of clean, neutral-smelling clothes. “Let the fog clear out.”

Jeno rubs his chin, presses a couple stray keys on his keyboard poorly pretending he’s working while scrambling for some extra time before he has to stop ignoring Jaemin.

“Maybe,” he replies. “Maybe I can just keep going until he gets bored of me, like an idiot.”

“Jeno…” Jaemin comes back to the couch, shoves a mug of hot chocolate into his hands and shuts his laptop screen. “Jeno, what if-“

“I don’t want to hear it,” Jeno says and the thought of what Jaemin was about to say, of what he’s said before is enough to kickstart his anxiety. “He’s an alpha.”

“So what?” Jaemin pushes, one hand rubbing circles on Jeno’s back. “You sound ridiculous, what if he’s an alpha?”

“He doesn’t want me,” Jeno leans into Jaemin’s space for a half-hug. “Not like that.”

“How do you know?” Jaemin looks equal parts pained and done. It’s not the first time they’re having this exact conversation. Probably won’t be the last either. “You never tried to actually communicate with him.”

“We are just fucking, Jaemin, that’s it” Jeno scratches a non-existent spot on the couch. “Communication isn’t a part of the arrangement.”

“And why isn’t Lee Donghyuck fucking ‘someone better’?” Jaemin lets his mug on the armrest to make Jeno look at him. “What if you’re the one he wants and he’s equally trapped in your dumb arrangement?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jeno laughs, bittersweet. The conversation has been less than five minutes long but he feels all his energy drained already. “Let’s drop it.”

Jaemin looks at him like he has more to say. Exhales from his nose, taking a deep sip from his own hot chocolate, but decides that it’s better to keep whatever he has in store for Jeno to himself.

That way Jeno can open up his laptop again and stare at the screen. Push a few buttons, create some words. Pretend he isn’t thinking of Donghyuck’s voice, asking Jeno to call his name in the dark. Of Donghyuck’s nails sinking into his thighs and keeping him in place when he was trembling through his orgasm. Of Donghyuck kissing up his neck, kissing and rubbing his nose on Jeno, as if he wanted to mark him, mark Jeno and make him his.

He knows they should stop. He knows stopping is easier than talking it out, there’s nothing to talk out, anyway. Donghyuck wanted the same thing as Jeno at first, just a good time. They were on the same page, where they should have stayed. And now Jeno has found himself wanting something more, something else entirely and is slowly digging his own grave.

He will step up and rip the band aid. He has promised himself. Next time he meets with Donghyuck he’ll do it, he will do it for sure.

He doesn’t do it. Not the next time he meets with Donghyuck nor the time after that. He keeps telling himself things are alright. Each of them give and take from their arrangement. Even if Donghyuck fucks Jeno so slow it’s almost romantic. Even if he asks Jeno to stay time after time. Even if he bakes cookies for them and cuddles with Jeno on the couch.

And when the finals are long over and the few weeks between the semesters come to an end, Donghyuck starts existing outside of his apartment walls for Jeno again. For Jeno and the rest of the campus too.

Jeno remembers the first time he saw Donghyuck, on the fourth auditorium of the third floor. The second row and third seat from the right. He was sitting on the third row, right above Donghyuck, a scared first year with some familiar faces from other lectures around but no friends. He remembers Donghyuck’s smell, so strong that even a beta could notice him, but not unpleasant in any way. Donghyuck always made sure he didn’t go unnoticed. He was talkative: in class, in the corridors, on the cafeteria; with his friends, with new people, with his professors. Jeno found it amusing, how effortlessly Donghyuck could charm people with his words without getting repetitive or tiring, how he could have everyone’s attention without using his alpha status or any other kind of authority.

And as much as Donghyuck was drawn to people, they were equally drawn to him, Jeno nothing sort of an exception. He was drawn to Donghyuck like a moth to a flame, only he didn’t know it yet. He didn’t know it the first time they talked, when Donghyuck turned around mid-lecture to ask him something Jeno doesn’t even remember anymore. Maybe for a pen, maybe Jeno’s number. Not when he found himself eating shitty cafeteria lunch with Donghyuck and his friends. Not when everyone in class could smell how close to his rut Donghyuck was and Jeno, in some weird fit of bravery, had joked he can help, despite a good twenty salivating omegas being in the same room with them.

And he had helped Donghyuck through his rut. The whole two and a half days. And then they hooked up again and again and again, always in Donghyuck’s place. The Donghyuck on campus and the Donghyuck in that apartment a couple of streets away from Jeno’s had become two different entities.

Still, Jeno enjoyed watching Donghyuck when they weren’t together. When Donghyuck was talking with people, flirting, his sly smirk when he was teasing someone and his shaky shoulders when he was laughing loudly. The slope of his mouth when he smiled and his long hair, the strands Jeno imagined having between his fingers, sometimes pulling, sometimes threading through, gently scratching at the back of Donghyuck’s head, at the spot that always made him hum.

Jeno finds himself watching Donghyuck like that, watching and yearning, waiting for the moment Donghyuck inevitably spots him and gives him a smile. It doesn’t come as a surprise, but the realisation is still terrifying: Jeno misses Donghyuck even when they are not apart, even when they’re only a few steps away from each other at some brightly lit corridor. He knows he should stop seeing Donghyuck, but he doesn’t know if he can handle the pain the decision would bring. He doesn’t know if he is ready to give up the shared moments of bliss in Donghyuck’s house, not yet.

But the past won’t let him enjoy his present.

Jeno remembers when he was young. He remembers all the small things. His alpha mother getting impatient about him presenting, telling him he’s so tall, so athletic, he’ll be the finest alpha to continue her legacy. His omega mother, timid and quiet, agreeing to every little thing. The way they would say he’d be a late-bloomer when he turned eighteen and hadn’t presented yet. They way they wouldn’t hide their disappointment when he was twenty and settled as a simple beta.

He remembers that one teacher at his high school, an alpha, reeking of sea salt. He remembers his deep voice, telling them that alphas always get what they want. That alphas will go through stacks of omegas before finding the perfect one for them. That betas are nothing but playthings for alphas to pass the time and substitutes until lowly omegas found their alpha to mate for life.

He remembers the alpha that dumped Jaemin, heartbroken Jaemin who knew he deserved better, who thought and preached that society had progressed way past the “alphas should only mate with omegas and leave betas to fend for themselves” narratives.

He remembers washing the dishes after dinner, listening to the show his uncle was watching at the living room. Remembers the voice of some psychologist saying that alphas and omegas are like keys and locks, made for each other and betas always, as far back as societies existed, had more supportive roles than anything. Level-headed betas, well-natured betas, easy-going betas, driven by dry logic instead of passions and lust.

“They are romanticizing sub-genders,” Jaemin had told him once. “As if we don’t feel, as if we don’t fall.”

“We should stop.”

Donghyuck’s glazy eyes fix on him as he tries to get into a sitting position. Jeno tries to swallow down the lump in his throat.

“Stop?” Donghyuck asks, as if Jeno talked to him in a foreign language.

“Stop fucking,” Jeno feels his chest tightening, Donghyuck’s expression shifting to equal parts hurt and confused. “We should stop fucking.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Donghyuck pulls his boxers on him but doesn’t try to get closer to Jeno who’s already up and getting dressed. “Did you find someone else?”

_I’m in love with you._

“I’m just not that interested anymore.” A practiced lie. A sentence Jeno repeated in his mind until it didn’t make any sense anymore. “My libido isn’t as high as yours.”

He locks his expression into something cold. Something that doesn’t scream how much he wants Donghyuck to destroy the walls he’s built up and take him into his arms.

Time stills. They both stay unmoving, the air stale, reeking of sex and pine honey.

“If that’s what you want,” Donghyuck, sweet, gentle, mellow Donghyuck says. “Of course.”

“Okay,” Jeno puts his hoodie on, ignoring how strongly it smells from when they made out against the door, ignoring how desperately he had moaned into Donghyuck’s mouth less than an hour ago. “I’ll see you around.”

He knows Donghyuck’s gaze follows him to the door, as it always does. He stills in front of it, as if he can take back what he said, as if he can turn back time a dozen minutes, get back into the bed. Donghyuck lets out a little sound as he shuts the door behind him, but Jeno is already in the corridor, frantically running down the stairs, running away, outside where the air can fill his lungs with ice and make them hurt more than his heart does.

Better break his heart himself than let Donghyuck do it.

Jeno cries. He lets Jaemin hold him through it, through the ugly snot crying and the chest-shaking sobs that come after it. Through the intelligible talking. Through the anxiety attack that hits him at the height of his exhaustion. He lets Jaemin baby him, make him hot chocolate and run him a warm bath, scrub Donghyuck’s scent off him with soft motions.

The next day Jeno barely remembers most of it. But he keeps crying. In the library bathroom stalls between classes. In his room when Jaemin is away. At the gym’s locker rooms when he was supposed to be finishing his morning workout. It’s exhausting, it’s humiliating even if he’s the only one to see it. His red eyes, his shaky hands and knees giving out. Some people notice and he shrugs them off, pushes them away, does everything he deems right to protect himself.

He’s a beta. He doesn’t reek of distress. He isn’t emotional when other sub-genders are nearby. His sub-gender neutrality - _mediocrity_ his brain tells him - works to his favor for once.

Still he can’t escape Donghyuck. They share the same classes, the same friends, they bump on each other all the time. As if fate is trying to make him as miserable as humanely possible.

Donghyuck still greets him happily, like an old friend, like knots, and most importantly, Jeno’s ugly feelings don’t taint their friendship. Jeno keeps it together, greets Donghyuck back, makes some small talk before he excuses himself, pretends the smell of pine honey doesn’t do things to him, justifies seeing Donghyuck’s face every time he shuts his eyes in all ways possible.

_Pure sexual frustration_ , he tells himself, that’s why he misses Donghyuck so much. But when he dresses up and makes out with people against filthy club walls, when he brings them home, when he fucks and gets fucked by strangers all he can think about is Donghyuck. How Donghyuck touched him. How he moaned out Jeno’s name. How he would kiss for hours up and down his body until Jeno could come from the simplest of touches. None of his one night stands gives a shit. Or maybe they do, maybe they try. But none of them are Donghyuck and Jeno is left feeling even worse than before.

Jeno must be some kind of idiot. He always considered himself of average, if not more intelligence, and yet.

Yet he finds himself in Donghyuck’s apartment again, two and a half months after strutting out claiming it’s over. Donghyuck’s rut was getting close. Jeno could smell it when Donghyuck sat a couple seats away during the morning lecture. The whole science building could probably smell it. Or maybe it’s just Jeno that’s so synced with Donghyuck’s smell and how it fluctuates.

And now they are in Donghyuck’s apartment, making out on the couch, both hard, both moving so desperately and if Jeno let his guard down, if he paid more attention to how Donghyuck keeps him close, bruising his sides, how he chants Jeno’s name between kisses, Jeno would almost conclude that Donghyuck has missed him.

“Bed,” Donghyuck kisses up his throat. “We should-“ he’s trembling against Jeno, leaking so badly his jeans are stained. His rut is starting and Jeno knows once they’re on the bed there’s no going back.

Jeno remembers all the things he knows but has buried deep down. How Donghyuck’s rut lasts exactly two and a half days. How hungry Donghyuck gets, how his smell comes in waves along with his orgasms, how his knot feels when he’s deep in Jeno. How he asks Jeno to stay, voice laced with desperation in his mid-rut haze.

And then, deep at night when Donghyuck’s rut has ended, when they are both bone-deep exhausted and Jeno is picking his stuff to go back home, Donghyuck asks him to stay once again.

“Please,” Donghyuck says, barely above a whisper and he seems so out of it, but his eyes are clean, looking straight at Jeno. “I can’t let you go like this.”

Jeno is beyond tired. He had showers when Donghyuck was napping but he’s still dirty, stinks so much. His clothes from three days ago were barely worn, but still are well below decent enough to go out.

He figures, if he’s making a mistake, he might as well keep making it until the very end.

It’s a slippery slope. One that leads straight to Donghyuck’s bed. Once the tap is on Jeno can’t turn it off and they fall back to their old routine like clockwork. Donghyuck doesn’t address Jeno’s previous excuse for stopping and Jeno knows, with the way he rides Donghyuck like he’s the one in a rut, that Donghyuck doesn’t believe in his low libido, maybe never did, because Donghyuck isn’t any sort of stupid. Just an above average good alpha.

It’s difficult to keep up his walls. Because as much as Jeno tries to pull away, Donghyuck keeps pushing until he’s closer to him, until all of Jeno’s walls are destroyed, brick by brick.

“Stay,” Donghyuck whispers to him after they are done. “Stay with me.”

Jeno does. He stays in Donghyuck’s arms. He lets Donghyuck kiss him, play with his hair, take him in his hands and mouth and make him come, Donghyuck himself getting nothing in return. He uses Donghyuck’s shower, rubs Donghyuck’s scent off of his skin only for it to be replaced by Donghyuck’s shampoo, only to fall back into the bed on clean sheets until he smells more pine honey than shampoo again.

And suddenly he’s waking up at Donghyuck’s apartment multiple times every week. Next to Donghyuck, on Donghyuck, naked, in Donghyuck’s loosest shirts. Donghyuck softly snoring next to him, Donghyuck out for one of his classes, Donghyuck making breakfast for them. All he can think about is Donghyuck, all he can smell is pine honey.

“Morning, beautiful,” Donghyuck whispers into his hair and in those small moments, with the city still sleeping and the morning sky painted in the most beautiful yellows and oranges, when Donghyuck radiates warmth next to him, Jeno lets himself believe this is something he’s allowed to get used to.

It’s a morning like that, the bed warm underneath them, Donghyuck nuzzling against him, fingers dancing on Jeno’s waist. It’s a Saturday and they can stay like that for as long as they like.

“Go out with me,” Donghyuck says and Jeno’s body tenses up in the worst way possible. “The movies, the ice ring, coffee, I’ll take you anywhere you want.”

“We can’t do that,” Jeno untangles himself, manically searching for his clothes, suddenly more awake than ever. “I-, you can’t do this to me, I won’t allow it.”

“Why?” Donghyuck tries to reach for him but Jeno is quick to take the few steps back. “Why, Jeno?”

Donghyuck looks genuinely hurt. Yet, once again Jeno flees.

Jaemin is in the apartment when Jeno gets back. He finally snaps and all hell breaks loose, regardless if Jeno can stomach it or not.

“You think the world revolves around you and your damn insecurities?” Jaemin screams, standing in front of him and he would look ridiculous in his striped pink pyjamas if he wasn’t so serious. “What do you want him to do, come beg on his knees?”

“I-“ Jeno wants to say he panicked. Jeno wants to say that despite all the signs, big and bright like green traffic lights, he wasn’t expecting it, he wants to say he’s sorry, although Jaemin isn’t the one he should direct his apologies to.

“You idiot,” Jaemin says, voice lower but none the less frustrated. “You idiot, please get your head out of your ass.”

“What if,” Jeno struggles to find the words. “What if he meant something else.”

Jaemin stares at him. Jeno knows he sounds ridiculous at this point but still, his mind cannot comprehend what is happening. It’s like a fever dream and a small part of himself is so scared he has fucked up beyond repair by now anyway.

“Listen,” Jaemin sits at the table in front of him. “You’ll either text him,” he crosses his arms above his chest. “Or I swear I’ll drag you by the hair to his house to apologize and talk it out.”

Jeno knows Jaemin’s threats aren’t empty ones. He also knows what is the correct thing to do.

“I’ll calm down first,” Jeno says letting a shaky breath out. He feels tears at the corners of his eyes but refuses to let them roll outside of the confines of his own room. “I promise I’ll text him afterwards.”

“Promise?” Jaemin extends his arm, pinkie out and Jeno’s frown turns to a small smile.

“Promise,” he gives his pinky and knows there’s no escaping from Jaemin now. “I’ll text him.”

It takes one solid week for Jeno to message Donghyuck. One painfully long week when he has to fake having the flu in order to not show up to class knowing he’d inevitably bump on Donghyuck whether he’d liked it or not. Jaemin is surprisingly patient with him and doesn’t pry, making sure to inform all of their friends that yeah, Jeno does in fact have a “really bad case of the flu, he has been barfing all night long, it’s a nightmare guys.” He’s being a really good friend and Jeno won’t forget him when he becomes rich and famous.

He texts Donghyuck on a Friday, scared shitless, but he still does it. He had some time to mop, some time to reflect on his decisions and behavior, some time to generally sort through the shit that is occupying his mind. He realizes he’s been trying so hard to protect himself and probably hurt Donghyuck in the process, Donghyuck who wanted to go out with him. Donghyuck who wouldn’t be unreasonable if he doesn’t want to go out with him anymore.

The message he sends is quite simple, void of much emotion, even though his hands are shaking while sending it. “ _Coffee tomorrow?_ ” he types. “ _You can pick the place._ ” He quickly presses send, throws his phone on the other end of the couch and curls up.

“Dude,” Jaemin says when he’s back home after his classes, finding him at the exact same position. “You have some messages.” Because of course he knows how to unlock Jeno’s phone to see the notifications, but he’s nice enough to not actually open the messages.

“ _Sure!_ ” Donghyuck has replied, a little shooting star emoji at the end and the page of a café near campus linked. “ _Does 5pm work for you?_ ”

“ _It works_ ,” Jeno types back. “ _See you there._ ” He adds a little sun emoji. Just because.

“I’m so proud of you,” Jaemin messes his hair. “Go get your man, tiger.”

Jeno makes a disgusted face at him, but he still scoots closer for some cuddles. He has approximately twenty hours to decide on an outfit, get some sleep, have a shower, shave and get his shit together while at it.

He has a restless night, switching between panicking over every single thing that can go wrong and trying to calm himself down. At some point Jaemin sneaks into his bed and holds him close, making him talk. So that’s what Jeno does.

He talks about his mothers and his teachers. The other kids presenting when he was at high school. The pressure on him to become an alpha, as if he could trigger it himself if he tried hard enough. Being confused when he realized he liked both alphas and omegas, knowing deep down he wouldn’t present. About how many open-minded people he had met at university and still thought most of them lied to him out of pity when complimenting his skills, his physique. About how deep rooted the sub-gender mentality was into him. And then, late enough to be close to morning but also early enough to get some proper sleep he drifted to unconsciousness, only to wake up hours later with breakfast waiting on his desk and the sound of Jaemin going through his closet, clothes strewn across the floor and on his chair.

He can do it, he tells himself. He’s wearing a pink sweater and jeans. His glasses. Jaemin combed his hair neatly and told him to not dare touch it. He takes a deep breath and pushes the café’s door open.

His anxiety somehow vanishes when he’s inside, as if he doesn’t have any more to spare: not after seeing Donghyuck, already waiting for him. They exchange an awkward brief meeting, Donghyuck’s smile widening every single moment they spend together on opposite ends of the little wooden table.

“Drinks are on me,” Donghyuck says and Jeno doesn’t try fighting him on it, neither complains when Donghyuck comes back with coffees and two cheesecake pieces.

Jeno doesn’t know if it feels like a proper date because it’s been so long since the last time he’s been on one, but seeing Donghyuck out of his apartment and the university corridors is nice. Donghyuck, when he isn’t making small talk and when he isn’t on top of him is nice, too.

They talk about simple things. Their shared classes. Their friends. That one project Donghyuck is gonna present to his literature class next week. The weather turning a little warmer. Donghyuck is good at keeping the conversation alive, good at keeping Jeno engaged to every little, seemingly boring topic. He has that charm and Jeno feels himself falling for him all over again.

“I hope you had a good time today,” Donghyuck says instead of a goodbye, standing for a bit where their ways part. “I’d like us to go out again like that, if you would like to.”

Donghyuck is loud. He doesn’t think much before talking or acting. Donghyuck is touchy and bold. But that Donghyuck with a scarf wrapped tightly around half his face is slow and careful, a Donghyuck Jeno hasn’t seen before and he briefly wonders if it’s something reserved just for him, for him and their shared moment. Right then, under a street lamp and despite all the layers and the heavy coat Donghyuck seems almost bare to Jeno, his expression open and gentle. Something clicks and he realises this Donghyuck was always there, but only now Jeno sees him fully. Sees him without his gender label, simply as Donghyuck.

“I’d like that,” Jeno answers, truthfully. They don’t kiss, but the smile Donghyuck gives him before going feels more intimate than a hundred kisses even would.

They go out again. Again and again and again. Try out the ice ring. Go for dinner. Walk at the park next to the river. Rent bicycles and pedal around the city. They’ve known each other for so long, but only now Jeno feels like he sees the real Donghyuck, now that he isn’t blinded by his own prejudices. He sees a Donghyuck that’s a little clumsy, a Donghyuck that stops every five minutes to pet the dogs at the park. A Donghyuck that, as the ultimate act of love, will share his last fried chicken piece. He’s not an alpha anymore, he’s just Donghyuck.

“I really like you,” Donghyuck tells him one day. It’s March and it’s sunny and they are having lunch together between classes, the cafeteria packed with students to the brim, laughter and lively conversations all around them while they are in their own small bubble. Jeno forgets the open book next to his food tray to look up and he swears that this Donghyuck, wearing a stained baby blue hoodie, with black circles under his eyes and his lips bitten bloody is the prettiest Jeno has ever seen him. “At some point I thought you hated my guts.” Donghyuck awkwardly smiles. “But I really like you and I think you really like me too.”

Jeno knows they should have a talk sometime, but it’s not a conversation to have in the middle of the crowded cafeteria twenty minutes before their next class. “I do, I really like you too,” he simply says and from the way Donghyuck’s eyes light up he knows it’s enough for now.

It takes weeks until they meet at someone’s house again and this time it isn’t Donghyuck’s. It’s the end of April and they are cuddling on Jeno’s couch, some drama playing as background noise while Jeno tries to explain himself: why he was so cautious, why he kept running away, why they need to take it slow and steady.

“I’m kinda in love with you,” Jeno says after he’s done and Donghyuck remains silent, threading fingers through Jeno’s hair, softly scratching his freshly shaved undercut. “Have been for quite some time.”

Donghyuck doesn’t talk, but the smell of pine honey intensifying feels like a warm blanket over Jeno.

“Are we like,” Donghyuck gulps down some milkshake. “Boyfriends now?” Jeno stares at him over his greasy fries, lifts an eyebrow. “We are, aren’t we?”

“We’ve been boyfriends for some months I think,” Jeno laughs and Donghyuck reaches from his hand above the table, a pleased, cat-like smile on his face. “Took you some time to get the memo.”

Donghyuck giggles in delight and Jeno kicks his feet under the table, a waiter watching them, amused. It’s the middle of the summer and they’ve taken a road trip, just the two of them heading a couple of towns away, sleeping in cheap motels and trying new dishes and clubbing ‘til the morning. It’s as perfect as it goes because now Jeno has a bite mark on his neck and Donghyuck has a matching one, binding them to each other.

“Your smell is my favorite,” Donghyuck says one early morning, nose nuzzling in the crook of Jeno’s neck as he inhales slowly, peppering small kisses on soft skin.

“I don’t have a smell,” Jeno says, a little confused and mildly amused.

“Your shampoo and your clothes detergent and just…you,” Donghyuck lifts himself on his elbows to kiss Jeno’s nose. “It’s your own scent and my favourite one in the whole world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> You can find me [here](https://twitter.com/kuns_dimples)!


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